THE SUBWAY

Turnstiles.

People who think they are hurdlers in track and field jump over them to avoid a $3.00 subway fare. Understandably, the face-paced lifestyle of the turnstile guard prevents him or her from getting off their cushy chair to stop the thug(s). This is most evident at the Scarborough Town Centre RT stop. It is not so much as the dude getting away from paying the $3.00 that bothers me. It’s the fact that they bud the line, and go straight for the token/metro pass express line, in front of me!. Sometimes I wish I could do that to avoid the fare. But then again, I did already pay for my metro pass. My solution to this growing annoyance is to eliminate the turnstiles altogether, and impose a vigilante pilot project. Whenever a thug is stopped by a fellow rider, that person gets free transit for a month, and the thug has to foot the bill. Outrageous maybe, but if there is 30 or 40 people in the station at least one or two would get the inclination to chase and claim a reward; and perhaps a potential beat-down opposed to a half arsed “hey pay your fare” would sway anyone from leaping this hurdle.

Sunglasses on the Subway.

There is a growing subculture of these people that continues to intrigue me. While wearing sunglasses outside is a great idea, I promise to you that there is no UV radiation in an underground tunnel surrounded by concrete. Unless you so happen to be sensitive to the light and you actually require sunglasses indoors for medical reasons, you do not look cool-you look like a total douchbag. Why don’t you just pop that collar, wear an ill-fitting shirt, and end it. Seriously this has got to stop. The only place you should be wearing sunglasses indoors is if you are trying them on or you are in a neon-sign store. With the latter being a rare occurrence, save yourself the embarrassment and take off those glasses buddy.

Stickers and Labels.

Another (trendy?) annoyance is the hat people. You know, the ones who keep factory stickers on their hats. I’m talking about those gold and black stickers on the brim that advertise the hat size. The irony is, I can actually determine the size of your head and then understand why you think you look cool with that sticker on. The bigger the head, the bigger the ego I guess. I once was able to experience the pleasure of such a fool who was in a hat store and was pegged for stealing a hat that he was wearing. I don’t blame the store keep- I mean wearing a hat with a factory sticker on and walking into a hat store is just looking for trouble. He got to keep his hat by the way, via the fact he could yell and knew more swear combinations. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we don’t need to know the size of your head, and that I don’t understand why you just threw down $40 bucks or more for that hat; only to leave it covered with a 2 cent sticker.

Everyone’s a DJ.

People ask me why I sold my IPod. The real reason is why did I buy one? When you enter the TTC, you’re guaranteed to enjoy all the music you want. Either by someone blasting their ears with music levels comparable to an F-17 fighter jet taking off, or to the very obnoxious (and piss poor quality I might add) phone speaker. Although there is not much in the way of choice, you can still sit back (or stand) and listen to some tunes to pass the time. What ever happened to the “personal” in “personal music player.” We don’t want to hear your loud top-40 tunes. We hear it enough on the drive to the bloody subway in the first place. I had the pleasure of visiting Vancouver, and was surprised when I saw a sign in the transit system that explicitly stated “no loud music”. I agree. Not only is it rude to blast music, it makes you unapproachable. Not because of your rudeness, but because your music sucks. I want to start a trust fund for these DJs. The poor Toronto blokes spent too much on their music blasters to be able to afford $1.00 headphones. Next time I’m at the dollar store, ill be sure to pick up a couple.